


Open All the Cages in the Zoo (Kinda Stupid)

by sonicrainicorn



Series: Berry Done AU [11]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Human, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, I'm Sorry, Infidelity, Mistakes Are Made, Oops?, Parent Logicality, Sibling Prinxiety, Uncle Thomas Sanders, the comfort comes later i promise, there's a lot of cursing in this one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-16
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:41:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23122660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonicrainicorn/pseuds/sonicrainicorn
Summary: Patton had always been too good at lying.
Relationships: Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Series: Berry Done AU [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1259483
Comments: 22
Kudos: 74





	1. A New Kind of Stupid

The veterinary field was a woman-heavy space. In Patton's work, there were only three men: Thomas Sanders, Alec Williams, and himself. Alec was a veterinarian. He was engaged to a beautiful woman that Patton had the pleasure of meeting a few times. She was very sweet. Thomas was the receptionist. He was currently between relationships. Patton was a vet tech -- a nurse for animals. He was married to Logan and they had two eleven-year-old twins, Roman and Virgil.

One day, another male entered the workforce: Bailey Foster.

Bailey turned out to be another vet. He was single and a huge flirt. Topped with good looks and a wonderful personality, it was almost as if he came straight out of a Disney movie. All the women fawned over him during his first week. Even some of the owners of their patients were captivated by his charm.

Thomas and Alec started a betting pool with each other to see if the ever-enchanting Dr. Foster was "in the closet or straight as a stripper's pole" (in Alec’s words). Whoever won had bragging rights and free lunch for a week. So a lot was on the line.

Patton watched on with amusement as the two tried to prove themselves right. Anytime one of them talked to him, it seemed as if it went in either of their favors. The times they weren't in direct contact with him weren't any easier. He smiled at everyone, flirted with women, and made men blush, but they were determined to have a winner.

It wasn't until they were in the break room one day that they had their answer.

Alec and Thomas were sitting at the table arguing over something nerdy (as was their custom) and Patton was searching the fridge for a tub of what was probably spaghetti that he left a few weeks ago. He needed that tub back. He had been bringing lunch in one of the twins' old snack containers for the past few days.

"Aha! There you are," Patton murmured to himself. He grabbed the tub of spaghetti(?) and closed the fridge. He yelped and jumped back when he saw someone standing where the door was.

Bailey laughed. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I just came for my water."

Patton let out an embarrassed smile. "If I knew you were standing there I would've gotten out of your way." He took a step back from the fridge. "All yours."

"Was that an invitation for you or the fridge?" Bailey smirked.

The tub almost fell from Patton's hands. He sputtered before remembering how words work, "The fridge." He felt Alec and Thomas's eyes burning into his back. It made his face heat up even more. "That invitation is reserved for someone else."

"Hmm." Bailey opened the door and grabbed the water bottle waiting there for him. "Lucky them." He winked before leaving.

The only sound heard for a moment or two was the beating in Patton's chest. Then Thomas shot up from his seat, scrapping the chair along the floor, and shouted at Alec, "He's gay! He's super gay!"

"I refuse to believe that!" Alec stood up to be even with Thomas. "Have you seen how he looks at Emily? Patton --!" He pointed at said person, who jumped in response -- "final verdict."

Patton floundered. He must have looked like an idiot standing in the middle of the break room with a tub of expired food and a burning face. He felt like one, that's for sure. "Uh, he's definitely _not_ straight."

Alec shouted in anguish while Thomas cheered.

Neither of them was aware of how Bailey made Patton's heart flutter.

Over the next month, Dr. Foster became a favorite among the staff and pet owners. He began talking to Patton as often as possible after their first interaction and it left Patton confused. Bailey always managed to make him stumble over his words or blush and there was no reason he should. He was in love with Logan. He was married to Logan. He adopted children with Logan. There should be no one else he wanted.

So he felt a little guilty when he agreed to go to Bailey's party... without Logan.

"You know I don't mind not leaving the house," Logan said. "But may I remind you the last time you went to a party without me?"

Patton felt instant embarrassment. "Thomas will be with me --"

"That doesn't instill confidence."

"-- _and_ he swore not to drink this time. He even set a reminder on his phone. Plus, the twins are old enough to not want to be tucked in by me so we won't have a repeat of last time." He mumbled that last part of the sentence to himself.

Logan raised a brow and returned to his book. "What time will you be back, then?"

"Late."

Logan peeked at him over his glasses. "I expect you to call me this time -- and not for weird science facts."

Patton grinned. "Sure thing, bumblebee."

* * *

Patton may or may not have been drunk. 

It wasn't like he was going to deny the drinks people had worked hard to make -- that would have been rude. If not being rude meant taking countless amounts of shots and a tequila sunrise or two then so what? He wasn't harming anybody.

After an undisclosed shot number, Patton lost sight of Thomas. The last time they were near each other was when he tossed a water bottle at him from the outside cooler. Deciding that was a good place to start, Patton stumbled outside.

There weren't many people out there. There were couples here and there and the occasional trio, but there was one person by himself. Bailey was leaning against the short, back wall overlooking the slope down. There was a great view of the city that Patton became drawn to.

"I feel like I came here to ask you something, but I don't remember," Patton slurred to Bailey.

Bailey raised a brow in a way that was reminiscent of Logan. "Was it maybe some advice on whether or not you should keep drinking?"

Patton snorted and took a sip of... something. He kind of forgot what it was but it was pretty good. "I 'ave a full cape-bility to stop whenever I want." He set the cup down on the wall.

"I hope you don't take offense to this, but I don't believe you."

Patton laughed. "You're probably right." Logan was most of his impulse control.

Bailey gave him a fond smile. "Has anyone ever told you you're beautiful, Pat?"

"Me? Uh, like once in middle school I think." He couldn't recall another time. "Why?"

"Because you are." Bailey got a little closer. "You have the prettiest brown eyes I've ever seen, the most gorgeous smile, and a wonderful mop of hair."

"I think you're too kind." Patton grinned. He grabbed his cup with the intention of drinking some more but was stopped. It slipped from his fingers and splashed onto the other side of the wall.

Bailey pressed their lips together.

Patton pulled away a bit. There was a tiny corner of his brain screaming at him to stop -- to find Thomas and go home to his _husband_ and _children --_ but the rest of his alcohol-fueled mind was slow to catch up. He stood there and let Bailey connect their lips again.

The kiss was gentle -- loving almost. It was as if Bailey feared Patton would break if he applied any more pressure. Which was untrue, of course. Patton could handle a lot more than his soft appearance gave him credit for.

Bailey put his hands on Patton’s hips. His movements weren’t forceful. Quite the opposite actually; they seemed rather timid. Like he was asking for permission. Patton didn’t turn him down. In fact, he pulled him closer, much to the dismay of the moral corner in his head.

Apparently, Bailey took this as a good sign to keep going because he deepened the kiss. He lowered his hands to Patton’s thighs to lift him up onto the wall.

This caught Patton by surprise. To put it politely, he was never the receiving player in any of the games he engaged in. Though the part of him that was _very_ drunk didn’t mind the turn of events. His husband wasn’t a fan of stuff like this, so they rarely ever did anything passed kissing -- even more so now that they had the twins. It was a rather relieving change to most of him. That annoying corner wouldn’t stop screaming.

Bailey’s hands started roaming and Patton did nothing but bring him even closer. It was turning into a heated make-out session faster than either of them anticipated. Bailey started trailing kisses down to Patton’s neck, searching for that spot that made him take a sharp breath. After teasing and leaving Patton breathless, Bailey slammed their lips back together.

This was what Patton had been secretly wanting for so long. Physical affection is something he thrived under, though he’d rather die before admitting that those needs weren’t always met with his husband. His _loving_ husband. Who loved him _very much_. A man who loved him enough to push away his own thoughts on weddings just so Patton could have the one he always dreamed of.

_Logan_.

Oh God, _wait_.

Those weren’t Logan’s lips. Those weren’t Logan’s hands. That wasn’t Logan’s body trying to get as close as he could. This wasn’t Logan. This wasn’t Logan. This wasn’t Logan. _This wasn’t Logan_.

Patton’s eyes snapped open and he pushed Bailey away. Then he saw Thomas.

Thomas stood at the open doorway, staring right at Patton. He was frozen to the spot. He looked both horrified and shocked at what must have been a rather compromising scene in front of him.

Oh no.

Patton jumped down from the wall. He muttered an apology to Bailey as he shouldered passed him to run toward his brother-in-law. He grabbed Thomas by the arm and started dragging him back inside the house so they could leave. 

Though not before Thomas glanced back at Bailey one last time.

Patton didn’t say anything on the walk to the car. He didn’t say anything when the engine started. He didn’t say anything. He couldn’t. Thomas had to be the first one to speak.

“Patton,” it was like a taut rubber band, “I... I honestly don’t know how to even begin. What, what was that? What were you thinking?”

“I don’t know,” Patton muttered.

“You don’t know?” Thomas laughed. Bitter and flabbergasted. “That’s a great excuse. Are you gonna say that to Logan? ‘Oh, I don’t know, honey, I just started making out with my co-worker. Oops. My bad.’“ He glanced at Patton. “Are you gonna tell him at all?”

“No.”

“What? Patton!” Thomas slammed on the brakes. There weren’t any other cars around. “You can’t just keep something like that from him. Don’t you think he deserves to know?”

“What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.” Patton was surprised that those words left his lips at all.

So was Thomas. He stared at Patton in disbelief. His eyes scanned the other’s face as if he couldn’t believe that the same person who cried at humane society ads was still sitting next to him. “Are you serious?”

Patton had to look out the window to avoid Thomas’s gaze. He was too drunk for this. “I-I don’t know.”

“You have to say more than ‘I don’t know’, Patton.” Thomas was pissed. It took a lot to make Thomas angry -- even more to make him pissed -- yet Patton succeeded. “You need to answer me and you need to do it now.”

“I’m sorry --” Patton felt tears coming on.

“You’re _sorry?_ Sorry isn’t going to cut it, Patton. Sorry isn’t going to take anything back. You can’t expect sorry to wipe away what you’ve done.”

He shouldn’t have expected any sympathy. Logan was Thomas’s baby brother, after all. “I don’t.” There was a lump in the back of his throat. It started burning. “I can’t tell him, Thomas, please you have to understand.”

“Why the hell not? You messed up, Patton, he deserves to know.”

“That’s _why_ I can’t!” Patton didn’t care that the tears started coming out -- that wasn’t his main concern. Thomas was pissed at him over a stupid mistake. That’s all it was. It was a stupid mistake. “I messed up. I ruined his trust. I had all the opportunities to stop but I didn’t. I just...” _I wanted it_. “Oh, God, what did I do?” He covered his face with his hands.

Thomas didn’t say anything for a moment. There was anger flowing off of him in ways it never had before. “I’m going to call Logan --”

“No! Wait! Please.” Patton grabbed Thomas’s arm to stop him from reaching his phone. “I’ll tell him, I swear I will, I just need time.” Now he was a sobbing mess. “Please just give me time.”

The anger began melting off of Thomas’s face, though he still seemed upset. “Let’s get you home,” he sighed.

* * *

Thomas took off the moment Patton was out of his car. Under normal circumstances, he would have waited for Patton to make it safely in the house, but the events of the night seemed like an exception to this. Patton couldn’t even argue with that.

He stumbled his way to the door and dropped his keys a few times before he made it inside. The stupid door got stuck when he tried to close it, making him push on it in order to get it into the frame. The loud shudder made him cringe.

“Patton?”

Patton jumped and spun around. On the couch was Logan. He was rubbing his eyes as if he just woke up -- which he probably had, judging by the state of his, well, everything. One of the TV trays was in front of him with a messy stack of papers. Papers were a bit everywhere in general. He was always messy when he graded tests.

“L-Lo? What, what are you doing here?” Patton dropped his keys into the basket. “Why aren’t you in bed? Or in your office?”

“I didn’t know when you would be back.” He yawned. “You said you would be out for a while, but it didn’t feel right trying to go to bed without you when you might be expecting me.”

There was a pang in Patton’s heart, but he ignored it and brought out a smile. “I wouldn’t have minded, Lo-Lo. If you’re tired, you’re tired.”

“Redundant.” He stood up and stretched. “I assume you drank an unnecessary amount?”

“Why would you assume that?”

Logan raised a brow. A brief image of Bailey flashed in his mind. “You tend to shorten my name when you’re drunk.”

He grinned sheepishly. “Guess I’m a bit easy to read, huh?” That might not have been the best thing to say when lying to your husband’s face.

“Well, I hope you didn’t do anything stupid.”

Patton managed to keep the grin from falling off.

Logan walked up to him to give him a peck on the lips. “You taste like alcohol,” he mumbled as he put his head on Patton’s shoulder. Sleepy Logan was always more affectionate than awake Logan. “I don’t like it.”

Patton wrapped his arms around Logan’s smaller frame and held him close. He wanted to cry again. What was he thinking? Bailey couldn’t hold a candle to Logan. Logan was precious to him. He was smart and dorky and tiny and sweet. There were so many little things that Patton loved -- like the way he pouted when he got something wrong, or how flustered he got when he was forced to ask for help reaching the top shelf. Bailey wasn’t worth it at all.

“Luckily, I’m never drinking again.”


	2. Burn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton tells Logan what happened at the party. It doesn’t go over very well.

It took Patton the whole weekend to gain any courage. During that time he found himself being overly sweet to Logan as if that would take back the wrong he did. It made him feel like a crappy person lying to his husband and children. They didn’t do anything to deserve this, but he would be lying even more if he said he wasn’t procrastinating.

When Monday rolled around, Patton peeled back the blankets to start the day. Logan already left to take the kids to school but would be back to finish getting ready. That meant he had seven-ish minutes.

He sat on the bed for two of them. He tended to be a morning person, but lately, he hadn’t been sleeping well and it made him dread getting up. Ignoring the guilt, he headed to the bathroom.

After going back and forth with his routine, Patton ended up frozen at the mirror. The shirt he chose didn’t cover up any part of his neck at all. There were still ugly red hickeys littering his skin. How he managed to hide them for two days was a mystery. They were so... prominent. When the front door opened, he went into a panic. Hide. Hide. Hide.

He ended up wrapping a towel around his shoulders and wet his hair a bit to make it seem like he was in the shower. He grabbed his toothbrush to justify the sound of the faucet.

Logan walked by, paused to make a confused face at him, but otherwise didn’t say anything.

Patton held his breath until he was sure Logan was in the room. He sighed and frowned at his reflection. He would tell him soon, but for now, it was time to actually brush his teeth.

Every weekday went like clockwork. Logan would wake up, get the kids ready, wake up Patton, then take the kids to school. When they were gone, Patton would get ready. Sometimes he would be gone before Logan got back, other times he’d leave just as Logan got home. This was an exception to their schedule.

“You’re not usually here by this time,” Logan commented. He was leaning against the door frame.

Patton always wondered how he got dressed so fast. “It’s not like I don’t have time to kill.” He put his toothbrush back in its spot. “I don’t know if you know this, but I actually just go out to Starbucks every morning because work doesn’t start for another hour.”

Logan smirked. “I had no idea you lived such a secret life.”

“Oh, I’m full of secrets.” He hid the truth with sarcasm and a smile. “I’m practically James Bond.”

Logan snorted and hid his amused smile behind his hand.

Patton froze up. His heart pushed uncomfortably against his chest. Logan hated his smile. He had a habit of hiding it whenever he couldn’t hold it back. It was one of his quirks that Patton had grown to love.

Logan rolled his eyes and turned to leave.

“Wait, Logan.”

In Patton’s opinion, Logan’s smile was beautiful. The first time he ever saw it was at three in the morning many years ago. He remembered every detail. They weren’t dating yet, but they were tip-toeing around the ‘maybe I like you more than a friend’ stage.

“I have something to tell you.”

They were so infatuated at the time that they were excited just to be in each other’s presence. That’s why Patton thought it would be a good idea to pull an all-nighter. Logan didn’t agree at first (as was expected) but he ended up going along with it.

Logan furrowed his brows. “Can’t it wait until later?”

They watched a movie and a half, but that had gotten boring. Patton drove them down to the store so they could buy a bunch of snacks and an energy drink or two to help them stay awake. Then he drove to the top of a parking structure and they stayed in his car eating everything they bought and deciding to never drink another energy drink again.

“I think I waited long enough.”

When they had their fill, they laid back the seats and talked. They talked about a lot of things that day. Patton mentioned how he wanted to be a mermaid when he was younger so he could always be swimming. Logan told him when he fell in love with the stars. Patton remembers asking him to say everything he knew about space. He remembers seeing his eyes light up. They were both exhausted. So Logan talked. Patton didn’t stop him or interrupt him in any way. The more he talked, the more passionate and excited he got until eventually, he stopped. He turned to Patton with the biggest smile in the world and said, “I just really love space.” 

That’s when Patton decided he loved Logan Sanders. Utterly and completely.

Maybe he’d see that smile again one day.

“What do you mean?”

Patton sighed. He fiddled with the towel hiding his secret. “The party on Friday.” This wasn’t going to be easy. “I... I did something that I shouldn’t have.”

Logan frowned. “Something like what?” That innocence hurt Patton in a lot of ways,

“Like I didn’t say no.” He avoided Logan’s gaze. “I, um, I made a huge mistake, Logan. I-I should have thought first but I didn’t. I just went with it. There’s no excuse for what I’ve done to you.”

“What did you do, starlight?”

Logan’s voice was so small that Patton almost burst into tears. And, God, the _nickname._ That alone would have sent Patton into a sobbing mess. Logan rarely used nicknames. Whenever he did they were special and treasured moments. But not this time. “I, I...” He couldn’t bring himself to say it. If he said it then it brought everything into the light -- it made it true. Logan would never forgive him. “I cheated on you.”

Patton looked up to see disbelief all over Logan’s face. It was like he couldn’t process the news or was trying to understand how those words could be in that order.

“You wouldn’t do something like that.”

Oh God, it hurt so much to hear Logan like this -- a child stubbornly believing in fairy tales. Patton blinked back tears. “It’s true, Logan.” He removed his towel to reveal the bruises on his neck. “It didn’t get passed this, I swear, but it still happened and I’m so sorry.”

Logan stared at the marks with an unreadable expression.

“Logan?” Patton tried to get him to say something. “Baby?” Anything. “Bumblebee?”

Logan snapped his eyes to Patton’s face before moving them elsewhere. “I have to go to work.”

“W-wait --”

“We’ll talk later, Patton.” Then he was gone.

* * *

Work was rough. Patton tried his best to avoid Bailey altogether in order to circumvent any more guilt. He couldn’t avoid Thomas, however. Thomas worked the front desk, which meant Patton had to see him whenever he needed papers or had to talk to owners. And Thomas didn’t let it go unknown that he was still mad.

It was understandable. If a close friend cheated on his little brother, Patton would be pretty upset too.

Patton sighed and walked into the bathroom. He needed a minute alone. There was too much to try to fix in a day. Thomas would continue to be angry with him regardless of him telling Logan or not, and who knew how Logan was feeling. Was he angry? Disappointed? Upset? Did he never want to see Patton again? It was horrible not knowing.

He groaned in frustration. He shouldn’t be the one feeling horrible -- he didn’t deserve that luxury. _He_ did this. _He_ started this. If he had stopped himself at the party then everything would have been okay. He could have gone home and gone to bed with Logan without incident. This whole thing never would have happened.

He glared at his reflection in the mirror as if that would solve his problems. He pulled down the neck of the long-sleeve he was forced to wear and revealed a few red marks. They didn’t go away. He tried to get rid of them a few times but they appeared too severe for any instant remedies. Because of course they were. He’d have to wear them as a physical reminder of the time he broke his husband’s heart.

“Patton.”

_Shit_. Why didn’t he lock the door?!

Patton dropped his hand and turned to face Bailey.

“I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” Bailey let the door close behind him. “I wanted to talk to you about Friday.”

Patton tugged on his sleeves. “It’s fine, Bailey, we don’t really have to go over it.”

“No, I wanted to apologize.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I shouldn’t have done any of what I did to you. I was kind of, um, under the influence.”

“So was I.”

Bailey shifted his feet. His eyes didn’t meet Patton’s. “Don’t you have, like, a girlfriend or something?”

Patton gave a sad smile. “Husband.”

Bailey looked mortified. “Oh God, that’s even worse.” He pressed his palms to his eyes. “I’m so fucking sorry. It was wrong of me to come onto you like that. I don’t know what I was thinking. You just, you looked so cute a-and I really like you and... fuck.” He let his hands fall. “I should have just stayed away. I’m so, so sorry.”

“Well, it wasn’t all your fault.” Patton shrugged. “It takes two to cheat.”

Bailey grimaced. “I feel like an asshole.”

“You and me both,” Patton muttered. He didn’t want to think about it any more than he had to. “I don’t blame you, Bailey, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“I mean, that’s a plus, I suppose.” Patton couldn’t help but wince at that. It was so very Logan. “But I can’t help but feel responsible.” He wrung his hands. “If I hadn’t done anything then you wouldn’t have cheated.”

“It’s not anything we can fix now.” It was true. Neither of them could do anything to make things better again. “I’m sorry but I have to get back to work.” He shuffled passed Bailey and opened the door. “Ah! Thomas.”

Thomas blinked in surprise. He lowered his hand from the position where the handle was. His eyes trailed over Patton’s shoulder and into the bathroom. He frowned. “Again, Patton? Really?”

“W-what? No, no, it’s not what it looks like --” Patton waved his hands wildly.

“I’m gonna use the other one.” He left with a sigh.

Patton groaned and covered his face. This day couldn’t get any worse.

“I’m guessing he knows?” Bailey’s voice came from behind him.

“He’s my brother-in-law.” Patton dropped his hands and glared at the wall like it personally insulted him.

“Oh, fuck me.”

* * *

Logan couldn’t bring himself to go home after work. All the students in every class knew something was up with him. He saw their stares, heard their whispers. He almost broke down in fourth period when a small group gave him a hastily made card saying how much of a great teacher he is. If he couldn’t hide how he felt to a bunch of teenagers, how could he hide it from Patton?

So he didn’t go home. He went to the only other place he knew he would feel safe.

When Thomas walked into the living room, he almost ran right back out. “God! Logan?” He put a hand on his chest. “Is that why you asked me to pick up the twins?”

Logan played with a loose thread on the couch. “It wouldn’t be fair to them if I dropped them off and left, would it?”

Thomas frowned. “Did Patton tell you?”

Logan’s hand stopped moving. He stared at the ground with a mixed expression on his face. “Is it wrong to wish he hadn’t?” He glanced up at Thomas.

“No.” Thomas rushed over to the couch to sit next to him. “That’s understandable. I don’t think that’s something anyone wants to hear.”

Logan wrapped his arms around himself. “I...” Speaking about it made everything hurt so much more. “Am I really that horrible?” Thomas’s eyes widened. “Am I not worth anything to him?”

“Don’t say that.” Thomas’s voice was gentle. “You’re worth so much, Logan.”

“Not enough.” He ignored his voice crack and the lump forming in his throat. “If I was everything Patton wanted why would he choose someone else?”

Thomas didn’t say anything.

“Am, am I too different? I-I understand I don’t like to do the same things other people might, but...” He wiped a tear that escaped. “Is that all it took? A promise of something I couldn’t offer?” He cut himself off so he wouldn’t start crying.

“I can’t answer that, bear. I’m sorry.” He clasped his hand around his clenched fist. An odd habit he gained from being forced to learn to restrict his touch. “I don’t know why he would do it.”

“It’s Patton!” Logan didn’t care anymore. He had been holding it in since this morning. There wasn’t enough room to care. “Is this the same man who runs away from spiders and loves Winnie the Pooh? Do I really know who I married? The Patton I know wouldn’t even dream of -- of --” 

That’s all it took. He broke down into tears at acknowledging that Patton cheated on him. _Patton_. He must be really pathetic if someone like Patton was willing to cheat. He took off his glasses so he could better wipe away his shame.

“Oh, Logan,” Thomas sighed. He opened his arms to receive his little brother in a hug and held him as tight as he could. “I’m so sorry this happened to you.”

“I knew this would happen.” Logan sobbed into Thomas’s shoulder. “I knew I wouldn’t be enough. I knew he would want someone else.” He felt like a little kid again, crying in Thomas’s arms. “I’m not enough for anyone.”

“Don’t say that, bear, don’t say that.”

Logan couldn’t come up with the right words. All he could manage to do was cry. It was rather pitiful. He thought this moment would never come after expecting it for so many years, but now that it was here? It was so much worse than he ever thought possible. It hurt in ways he never imagined.

It was like he was burning from the inside out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Casual self-promo here, but if you want something fluffy in this weird timeline we find ourselves in, I have another story called Lovesick Fool that I just started. It's almost 100% angst-free. So if you're a fan of idiots obliviously in love, logicality, and magic, then this might be the fic for you


	3. Not For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil and Roman figure it out. Logan has a breakdown. Patton regrets every decision simultaneously.

[Patton ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w9kyi83oxR4)paced around the living room for what felt like an eternity. Logan hadn’t come home yet. They were going to talk, weren’t they? Logan wouldn’t just leave, would he? He wouldn’t. They needed to talk. Oh, Patton felt like a super shitty person. Logan had every right to leave and never want to speak to him again.

He took out his phone to look at the time. Nearly seven.

Patton was hoping that if he stalled dinner long enough, Logan would show up. It didn’t seem to be working. Perhaps it was time to order a pizza before the twins started wondering what was wrong. He couldn’t bring himself to cook anything.

Did it make him an even worse person for not telling his children what he had done? He didn’t know. He didn’t want them to know. What would they think? They were both more expressive than Logan. If he told them, would they be mad? Would they be upset? Confused?

Patton stopped his pacing.

Everything had been going well in their lives until he fucked it up by, well, wanting to be fucked. Because that’s all it came down to, isn’t it? Didn’t they say that being drunk brought out subconscious thoughts? Patton wasn’t going to lie and say he didn’t enjoy more... _physical_ affections, but he didn’t want it bad enough to ruin his marriage. He loved Logan with every fiber of his being. So why in hell would he jump at the first opportunity he had to get with someone else?

Sure, Bailey was attractive and charming, and a rather good kisser, but he wasn’t Logan. The only thing he held over Logan was his willingness to be physical -- and Patton wasn’t shallow enough to drop Logan for that.

Patton took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. There wasn’t a silver lining for him to hold onto to make him seem like a better person. He knew he made the biggest mistake of his life.

His heart leaped into his throat when he heard a knock at the door.

 _Logan_.

He shoved his glasses back on and opened the door, an apology on his lips, but he deflated. That wasn’t Logan. “Thomas, I --”

“I don’t want to hear any excuse you might have,” Thomas cut in rather sharply. “I only came here for one thing.”

Patton stepped aside to let him in. “Am I allowed to know what that one thing is?”

“The Phantom Tollbooth.”

Patton tensed. “But Logan only reads that when --”

“I think we both know when.” His response was snappy. It reminded Patton of Damien. “If it makes you feel any better, I didn’t tell him what happened in the restroom.”

It didn’t. “Thomas, I told you it wasn’t what it looked like.” He tried not to take offense when Thomas scoffed. “Bailey had been looking for me -- he came to apologize.”

“Well, isn’t that nice of Bailey.” Sarcasm dripped off of every word. It was unnatural hearing Thomas so cold. “I’m surprised you didn’t give him a kiss for being so nice to you.”

Patton’s lip trembled. He never could handle people being mad at him.

Thomas scanned the lower bookshelves. “You know, Patton, I really hope you’re satisfied with what you did.” He slid a book out of place. “I hope it’s everything Logan couldn’t give to you.”

“It was an accident.” Patton tried to keep himself from yelling. He didn’t want the twins to hear, but he didn’t how much more he could take. “I didn’t mean --”

“An accident?” Thomas stood up with the book. “An accident is dropping a cup on the floor, Patton. An accident is bumping into someone. An accident is _not_ making out with your co-worker at a party.” With every sentence, he got closer to Patton.

“That’s not what I meant --”

“You know him, Patton.” Thomas pointed with the old book. “You know him almost as well as I do. How hard is it for him to open up to people, huh? How long did it take you to chip away at those walls?”

Patton didn’t have time to respond.

“Logan doesn’t give his heart to just anyone. He has so few people that he trusts and loves as much as us. And what do you do with that? You throw it away!”

“Shh!” Patton couldn’t stop himself. He cringed at the look Thomas gave him.

“They don’t know?” The tone sounded incredulous. “Their father is crying his eyes out at my house and they don’t even _know?”_

Patton’s heart dropped. “Crying?”

“What -- have you just been assuming that everything would go back to normal?” Thomas ignored Patton’s murmur. “If they don’t know, then everything is okay, is it?”

“I-I didn’t mean for this to happen --”

“He’s been through so much, Patton.” The anger dropped to make room for sadness and defeat. It made him look a lot older than he actually was. “Don’t you think he deserves to love without it being thrown back at him for once?”

_For once?_

Patton furrowed his brows. He knew many, many things about Logan, but having a love thrown back at him before? He never mentioned that. He said he dated one other person but never said anything about them. What else could that mean? Was there someone else? Was there something about that person that was significant?

“You’re a better man than Percy, though, so I guess that’s a plus.” Thomas shrugged. He gave one last look at Patton before returning back to the front door. “Congratulations.”

He left before Patton could formulate a response.

On the other side of the living room, hiding in the hall, was Roman. He heard every word.

* * *

No one spoke at the dinner table. Logan’s normal spot was vacant for what must have been the first time ever. Patton refused to look at it. He didn’t want a reminder of how much Logan must be hurting.

After several minutes of Patton messing with his food and the twins pretending to eat, Virgil spoke up. His timid, quiet voice somehow sounded sharp and booming with the words, “Are you and Daddy gonna get a divorce?”

Patton’s heart dropped. “What?” He looked at the twins. They were both staring down at the table. “N-no. Why, why would you think that?”

They glanced at each other. “Roman heard what you and Uncle Thomas were talking about.”

If possible, Patton’s heart dropped even further. “He did?”

“I didn’t mean to,” Roman interjected. “I was gonna ask something, but I heard Uncle Thomas and I didn’t wanna walk in ‘cause he sounded really mad.”

“I didn’t know he got mad,” Virgil mumbled under his breath.

Patton grimaced. What was he supposed to say to that? _Yeah, I know I’ve said your father is the love of my life, but I decided someone else was better for a split second._ That wouldn’t go so well. “Everyone gets mad sometimes.” Sure. Go with the easy one. “Don’t you two get mad when someone hurts your brother?”

They didn’t respond.

“Isn’t Daddy Uncle Thomas’s little brother?” Virgil asked.

Patton confirmed it.

“So you hurt his brother?”

Patton didn’t say anything to that one.

“Is that why he isn’t here?” Roman continued. “You kissed someone else and now he doesn’t wanna come home ‘cause that hurt him?”

That sounded about right. “I...” He couldn’t admit that, but he also couldn’t say it was wrong. If he said that was right, then the twins might see him differently. He would be some stranger living in the house with them.

“Don’t you still love Daddy?” Virgil asked.

“Of course I do.” Evidence suggests otherwise.

“Then why kiss someone else?” Roman furrowed his brows.

Patton had a hard time swallowing. “I --”

“If you love Daddy shouldn’t you only kiss him?”

“Why did you do it?”

“Who was it?”

“Do you like him better?”

Patton didn’t have a chance to respond to a question before another was thrown at him. They weren’t quiet boys (Roman, at least) but they never spoke this fast or... hostile. That was the word. They were being hostile -- defensive. They were scared.

Patton and Logan adopted them. Together. If the two split up, what would happen to the twins? They were smart enough to know that cheating led to divorces which led to broken homes -- something they had escaped once before. They spent seven years in a life much better than the one they were born into. Even if it wasn’t something they remembered much of anymore, the past still lingered.

If Logan were there, he’d say something smart like that. Patton’s actions were unlike the life they had gotten used to and they feared being torn away from it.

“Boys,” Patton pushed his voice through the twins’. “I still love your daddy very much. What I did was a mistake, but that doesn’t change my love for him. Who I kissed doesn’t mean the same to me as your daddy does.”

“But you still did it,” Roman muttered.

Patton took a deep breath through his nose. “I know. And I regretted it as soon as it happened.”

The twins shared a look. “So you’re not gonna leave Daddy for someone else?” Virgil asked.

“Never. I love your daddy.”

Without missing a beat, both twins responded with, “But does he still love you?”

And that made Patton freeze. All the blood in his body ran cold because he never thought -- never considered -- that Logan might stop loving him. It had just become fact that they would always love each other. Patton remembered hearing Logan say it for the first time. It was by accident and he was so embarrassed... but it was genuine. He meant it. Anytime he said it after, he meant it. He always meant it.

“Excuse me.” Patton pushed himself away from the table. He made his way to the bedroom and shut the door so the twins wouldn’t hear the conversation.

He pulled out his phone and called Thomas.

After a ring or two, there came an annoyed, “ _What?”_

“I need to speak to Logan.” There was no point tip-toeing around the subject.

“ _Why don’t you call him?”_

“I did.” Earlier. A few times. “He never answered me.”

 _"Then maybe he just doesn’t want to talk to you_.”

“Please.” Patton was willing to sell his soul for even the slightest chance of talking to his husband again. “I _need_ to speak to him. We have to deal with this, Thomas, the twins...” _They hate me_. “I just need to talk to him. I, I have to apologize -- or beg for forgiveness -- or something. He has to hear the whole story.”

 _“The story seems pretty direct_.”

“He deserves to know _why_ doesn’t he?” Patton didn’t mean for it to come out as harsh as it did. He didn’t have the luxury of being annoyed, but Thomas was pushing it.

There was a pause on the other side. _"_ _I don’t think he’s going to want to go home_.”

“Then I’ll go there.” The location wasn’t the problem. He just wanted to see Logan. “You can come here -- cheer up the twins -- I’ll be over there with Logan.”

Another pause. _"_ _Don’t hurt him further, Patton_.” The voice wasn’t angry or threatening -- it was saddened. As if this hadn’t been the first time. _"_ _I’ll be there in a few_."

Patton waited with the twins for Thomas to arrive. As soon as he was in the house, Patton took off. He couldn’t let Logan wait any further.

The drive there felt like an eternity. There were too many stop signs -- way too many intersections. Every second spent sitting idly made Patton want to rip his hair out. He held it together long enough to reach his destination.

He parked and went straight to the front door. Logan was the one with the spare key to Thomas’s house, but Patton knew there was an extra key hidden on the patio. It was wedged under the wood of the railing.

He didn’t hesitate to step through the doorway, though he became a little unnerved at how silent the house was. Thomas’s house had never been quiet. There was always music or television or even just talking. There wasn’t evidence of another person in there at all.

However, when Patton walked into the living room, he saw that he wasn’t alone.

Logan sat on the couch, a blanket wrapped around his shoulders. _The Phantom Tollbooth_ was resting in his hands, open to a part in the story, but he wasn’t reading it. He was staring straight at the wall in front of him. It didn’t appear as if he was focusing on anything specific. His eyes were red and puffy and his face glistened with tears that hadn’t quite dried yet.

The sight hurt Patton’s heart. Logan wasn’t the type of person to cry openly -- or at all if he could help it. So seeing him this upset -- and that _Patton_ was the cause -- hurt in many different ways.

“Logan.” Patton’s voice came out like someone trying to comfort a wounded animal.

Logan snapped out of his daze and turned toward the voice. His expression gave nothing away. “I thought that phone conversation was a little odd.” He got up, holding both the blanket and the book (his finger held his spot despite the fact he hadn’t been reading it), and walked to the other side of the room.

Patton trailed after him. “We need to talk.”

“I don’t really want to hear it, Patton.”

“Please.” Patton had been doing a lot of begging but he didn’t care. If it meant Logan wouldn’t hate him by the end of it then it would be worth it. “I know I don’t have the right to be making demands, but we have to talk through this.”

Logan turned, his eyes were no longer lost and glassy but instead hardened. “Why should we? It seems like you told me everything this morning.”

Well, siblings think a lot alike apparently. “Logan --”

“No.” He pointed at Patton with the hand that held the book. “I trusted you. I let you go to that party alone believing that everything would be alright in the end. If I knew it was only some ploy...” His mouth screwed shut at his voice breaking.

“It wasn’t. Logan, please, you have to believe me.” Patton wanted more than anything to grab Logan’s hand. He wanted to hold Logan and pretend everything would be okay. “I didn’t go without you because I wanted to cheat on you -- I would never do that.”

“How am I supposed to believe that?” Logan gestured with the book. “Clearly, I don’t know who you are. I can’t know what you would and wouldn’t do.”

 _I don’t know who you are_. Patton tried not to react to that. “Please --”

“Don’t. Just don’t.” The tremors in Logan’s voice caused the hostility of the words to die a little. “You’ve lied to me, Patton. I thought, maybe, I was enough for you -- that I could _be_ enough for you -- and you’ve led me to believe that. You showed me for so many years, but now... now I don’t have any reason to fall for that.”

Patton couldn’t stand what he was hearing. “Please don’t say that. You have always been enough --”

“Obviously not.” Logan’s voice was full of anger. This was angrier than Patton had ever seen him. “If I was enough for you then you wouldn't have done what you did. We wouldn’t be having this conversation. That’s just one more thing you’ve lied to me about.” He threw his hand down, causing the book to fall from his fingers.

The two men froze in shock when they heard the pages rip.

Logan looked down to see the book had split. It was an old book -- it could have happened at any time -- but neither of them thought it would be because of Logan. The force of his movements caused it to rip where his finger had held his spot. It wasn’t clean, either. Parts of the lower spine were still trying to hold together.

The two stayed in tense silence before Logan broke it with a sob. He lowered himself to his knees as if it had taken him a strenuous amount of effort to be standing in the first place.

Patton ignored logical reasoning and acted on instinct. He knelt in front of Logan, waiting for any kind of confirmation that physical touch was okay at this moment.

He got it in the form of Logan grabbing his shirt and burying his face in it.

“What did I do, Patton?” Came Logan’s muffled sob.

Patton wrapped his arms around Logan. “It was an accident.”

Logan spent a minute trying to catch his breath. He pushed himself away so he could be face-to-face with Patton. “Is there something I have to change?” He tightened his grip on Patton’s shirt. “What is it that made you do this? Do I need to be more physical with you?”

The realization that Logan was referring to their problem and not the destruction of his most beloved possession caused whatever strength Patton hed left to shatter. He tried to blink his tears away as he cupped Logan’s face. “No, no, baby, don’t think that. You shouldn’t have to think you need to change anything about you.”

Hearing Logan say this -- to know that he was thinking it -- was gut-wrenching. Logan did not think emotionally. He never spoke emotionally. He was the type of person to spew logical facts about feelings in order to reason with himself. Patton could count on one hand how many times Logan acted on feelings rather than logic.

“You’re perfect the way you are,” Patton continued. “I wouldn’t want to change anything about you. Please don’t think that you need to.” His tears started to escape. “I was an idiot to do what I did. I was drunk and I...” He couldn’t tell Logan the real reason. If he said it then it canceled out everything. It would make Logan think he needed to change to satisfy Patton’s needs. To avoid a possible repeat. “It was a mistake.”

“Yet you still did it.” The words were broken rather than hostile.

“I know. If I could take it back I would.”

Logan scanned Patton’s face. “But you can’t.”

“I know.” Patton would regret this for the rest of his life. “I don’t think I’ll be able to say ‘I’m sorry’ enough.” He pulled Logan close and held him tight.

They fell into another silence. It was hard. Patton and Logan weren’t what would be considered quiet people, but this situation messed with them both.

Logan was so unlike himself that it physically hurt. He looked frail and broken rather than the stoic and confident man he should be.

“The kids asked if we were getting a divorce,” Patton whispered. The word haunted him. “I told them we weren’t, but I don’t think I have any right to make that decision.”

Logan pulled himself away. It seemed as if he was staring through Patton rather than at him. “You don’t.”

Patton felt his heart drop.

“But your answer isn’t wrong.” Logan stood up. “I’m just doing it for them. Not for you. It won’t ever be for you anymore.”

Ouch. Well, it wasn’t uncalled for, so Patton tried not to act hurt. “I get it.” He stood up as well. “I think they’ll be glad to know.”

Patton returned to an empty house after that. Thomas had taken the twins to go see Valerie, and Logan wasn’t going to go home any time soon. It was rather poetic, in a way. In doing what he had done, Patton had turned everyone against him. He was alone.

It didn’t matter where he cried because no one would hear him anyway.


End file.
